Questions a Good Known Donor Will Ask
Written by Sydney Brickey, founder of WeFertility
Last updated: October 12, 2026
A good known donor will ask about their role, the legal side, the time involved, and what the child will know. If a potential donor asks hard questions, that's a good sign: it means they're taking it as seriously as you are.
Here's the question our donor asked that told us we'd chosen well, plus the others to be ready for.
What happened to us
When we asked our donor, he didn't give us an answer on the spot. He took time to talk with his family and friends, and with people who had been donors before. He wanted to understand what he'd be saying yes to.
Then he came back to us with a question: what kind of involvement did we want?
That one question told us a lot. He wasn't just thinking about the donation. He was thinking about us, about the child, and about our friendship years from now. It was a big green flag.
It also made us realize we needed clear answers of our own. Some of the hardest questions came later, when our known donor agreement made us think through scenarios we'd rather not imagine. We were glad to have worked through them together.
What questions might a known donor ask?
| Question they may ask | How to be ready |
|---|---|
| What role do you want me to play? | Talk it through with your partner first. Ours asked this one. |
| Will the child know who I am? | Decide how open you want to be. We plan to be open with our son about his donor. |
| What happens legally? | Explain that you'll each work with an attorney on a known donor agreement. |
| How much time will this take? | Walk through the clinic steps, counseling, and attorney meetings. |
| Who will know? | Agree on who you'll each tell, and when. |
| What if something happens to one of you? | Your agreement should make you think this through. Ours did. |
| What if our friendship changes? | Talk about it honestly now, while things are easy. |
You don't need every answer before you ask. But you should have thought about each one.
What if your donor doesn't ask any questions?
Slow down. A quick yes with no questions may mean they haven't thought it through yet. Give them more time, and walk them through what saying yes really involves.
How does WeFertility help once the questions are answered?
The answers turn into steps, and the steps involve more than two people. WeFertility keeps everyone on track.
- Invite your donor as a support person. They see their own steps, and nothing they don't need to.
- Schedule the counseling sessions. Together, separately, and with your donor, each with an owner.
- Track the attorney steps. Every meeting and signature becomes a task. Blocked steps stay visible until they move.
- Keep the agreement safe. Upload it, and share it right from WeFertility when someone asks.
Checklist: get ready for your donor's questions
- Agree with your partner on the role you're hoping for
- Decide how open you'll be with your child
- Find an attorney for your known donor agreement
- Learn what counseling your clinic requires
- Talk about who you'll tell, and when
- Invite your donor into WeFertility once they say yes
This is our experience, not medical or legal advice. Talk to your clinic, attorney, or tax professional.
How WeFertility helps
WeFertility remembers, so you don't have to. Every conversation that turns into a step, with the right person on it. Try it free for 30 days, then it's less than a coffee a month. Download WeFertility on the App Store.
Still at the asking stage? Read how we asked a friend to be our known donor or what insurance covered for IUI with a known donor.